you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize