So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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