what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we made out on top of his cat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
