Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
