I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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