Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
