If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
