I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
