guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize