my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
