I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize