I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize