I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just high enough for therapy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
