So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize