i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
