Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
