Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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