Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
