You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
