When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
