no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
