I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
