bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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