what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
