Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
