I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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