I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
