It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
