he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
