I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
