Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
