The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
