so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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