So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
