Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
