I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
