Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
