good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
