Need sex. Gaining weight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm at about main and main street
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
