i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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