So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
