Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
