You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
