She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
