drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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