dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
