There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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