In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
