i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
