Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's just like the Real World with babies
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
