I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize