She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
