I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
