You made me cry and you don't even care
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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