If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
