I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
