I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
