he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
