I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
