You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
BRING THE BAGELS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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