Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
