i permit you to call me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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