quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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