Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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