Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
