The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize
