plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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