I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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