then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
