I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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